Cool story bro

Hmmm looking at my blog layout I feel like tearing it, or uhm, changing it. But I like it so much, lol wtf.
Remembering Miyi said it looks like it has mold on it. Lol recalling the moment I heard it I was like, How is that even funny? But then I 'resolved' that cut on my chest tonight. CANNOT CRY OMG CANNOT CRY. LOL at times tears cannot control one but I think I'm actually very cool because I can make them not roll down hell yeah all hail me -.-v Anywayz, it's just I have to accept that, no one appreciates my sense of uhm...everymatherfuckingthing. It's so sad I have to live with my flaws, even sadder is knowing I cannot change it. Omg I can't stop thinking I am so ugly at times. I tell that to everyone but everyone is being so fucking polite and say "Omg no you're not!! You look just fine!!" Lol bitches be lyin. My standards for pretty people are so low, even my friends say people I say who are pretty are not pretty to them. SO IN CONCLUSION, when I say I am ugly, I really am like seriously. I seriously fucking hate it when people who are fine looking says they're ugly and fat or what so ever. I tend to get so angry. Their continuous whine enrages my palm and I really wanna yell at them "BITCH LOOK THE FUCK AT ME." So, if you have any of these: nice skin big eyes small nose not-fat arms skinny legs long legs nice thighs flat tummy small waist small hips long hair not-curly/frizzy hair nice hair nice boobs nice teeth healthy teeth etc OR JUST ONE OF THE THINGS I STATED? Then, for trillionth time, s.t.f.u. because I have none of those. I tell people I'm ugly not to get praised afterwards but because I want them to feel better about their so-called 'miserable life' yeah k cool story bro. REALLY I ALREADY KNOW I'M UGLY AND I HAD TO POINT IT OUT TO YOU TO PROVE YOU'RE PRETTY WHO ON EARTH WOULD DO THAT JUST FOR THEIR FRIENDS? Me. Just accept the fucking fact that you're fortunate to be born this way and shut up please I beg you you're just making me hate myself if you don't.

Please know that I am not trying to offend ugly people (like me) or unfortunate people because everyone is special. Even I'm special cause I sacrifice myself to prove to you lor ok. "Everybody is beautiful" this statement is not what you think it means. A lot of people use this statement because everyone is special no matter inside or outside, so they say. It's actually that one special thing that you feel good about yourself that gives you confidence. So that is the beauty. THAT is what is beautiful. You are beautiful because of your appearance. When you don't have a beautiful appearance, it is that special something that makes you beautiful. Omg I don't know how to explain but people always get mislead by this statement. They think they understand but they don't! Okay maybe some people do but if you think you understand you have to think again and again what makes you say that you understand. So hard to express myself seriously.

Well erm actually my purpose wasn't to talk about this but then.. I just had to be clear about this issue. No one listens to meeeh! Anyway what was i talking about again? Oh yeah. Me. Actually I don't think I'm very hard to understand, people don't understand me it's because they don't know how to understand only.. Ok sorry I know it's the same -__- Ok I admit sometimes I'm complicated, 'cause people never know what I want. But then sometimes I'm just like everyone else! I want the same things/feelings! I may have weird characters and interest in stuffs or overly obsessive at some point over some things/issue/people or maybe just too crazy and emotional and sentimental etc. I also want that ONE best friend you can have. Neh that one best friend you always think of first at anything that kind ah. I used to have one. At least, I THOUGHT I had one. She was the first person that came to my house almost everyfuckingday, text messages all day ok maybe not, but tell secrets first to her and vice versa, talk to her otp, wear my clothes all that kind of stuff. I really like that. But then well, I wouldn't say she changed or moved on or whatever. I think it's because she's had so many experience like that in her life she just feels very normal about it. She just doesn't need me like how I need her, first time I'm so close to one person like that, I am excluding bryan from this cause bryan is a different issue lol. I used to understand her so much, but then now, I don't know, I think I still understand her, and I always use that reason to miss her and not be sad or whatever. Just that, I don't think she understands this. I just really hope she's happy and I often wonder if she misses me or not. I just get so angry at times, but I miss her. I miss her even more when I look at her and xinning, jiaxi and waiyen, alyssa and miyi, eelynn and sookmin etc. I'm always a part of it because we're all like best friends but then I don't wanna imagine them pairs without one of them. Urgh I hope no one reads my blog seriously right now. I hope people will be like, omg so many words then close! Please don't read my blog please!! AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I WILL TYPE UNTIL THIS -.- I wanted to talk about me!!! zz. I wanted a nice ranting post without caring my grammar and shit but fail. Instead this is a fail ranting post but also a post without caring my grammar and shit success.

I wanna type about spm and my future one -_______- thanks for nothing to myself to always spreading my thoughts to other thoughts. I think I can continue this later hehehe 8) Typing all that shit then *looks at clock* 3.29 already. Some more need wake up early and clean my room and a lil bit of the house cause mom's friendS are coming over as a 'meet up place' for everyone zz. Sigh. my life. And these few weeks I don't even feel like touching the piano and guitar. Even if lazy I also will force myself. But lately I'm just really really not feeling right. I can't cope with higher grades already urgh fml. I must study also tim. Omg life. Life. LIFE.

Omgggg I wanna love my life!!

Bye.